Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American Poet, authored a favorite saying for me:
There was a little girl who had a pretty little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead,
When she was good, she was very, very good,
[But] when she was bad, she was horrid!
My daughters and now my oldest grandchild have heard me recite it with an intent look in the eye. I learned it from my first wife who probably learned it from her mother. I like to substitute for "girl" with "boy" and the saying would be just as telling. It's a poem with a rhyme and dissonance. Not a sophisticated poem at all, but easily committed to memory. More importantly, recital of the poem is a timing issue. I know I wanted my daughter to whom I spoke to reflect on her conduct and its effect on other persons.
The child in all of us have reflected on our appearance: attractive, unattractive. Our loving parents were of course hoping we would grasp the concept that physical beauty is skin deep, and encourage us to work on the potential accomplishment in being good persons. Beauty of the physical type being skin deep is actually repulsive when the person in the skin is repulsive in conduct.
The point is that observant people see us as we actually are in our conduct and are attracted or repulsed. People we should want to be drawn towards are worthwhile in their pursuits and behavior.
Social snobbery sometimes is encapsulated in the question: Why would you associate yourself with such a person? The holier than thou posture of course is not the goal and is itself "horrid." I think a child who judges another child as not good enough to befriend may be judging on appearances or cultural conditioning about what types of people with whom "good" people associate as friends or companions.
The Christian Gospels reflect on a rabbi who consorted with sinners and tax collectors for the Romans and who roundly criticized the establishment, the wealthy and powerful. To be Christlike one hopefully can avoid moral snobbery. Which brings me to a final point: unconditional love for a child is as necessary as light and water to a plant; but that love only brings the child to the point at which the object of our love is the subject of his or her own conduct. We have to ask our youth: what kind of person do you want to be. Hopefully, the answer is loving and forgiving.
